My flamenco guy friends are not so opposite of my Canadian guy friends

Here I am in Cafe Hercules again, just looking at a poster entitled, "I jornadas Antisiquiatria y sobre la locura": the word "antipsychiatria" should be obvious. Locura is "craziness". Wow. It's a conference of some sort ... the byline (extra line thing... don't know what it's called) is "we are not crazy, it's that we know what we want/love".

It seems like a large percentage of the few people I've hung out with so far have been Latino. Today in the waiting room of the oficina de extranjeros I made a friend who's been here 5 years from Nicaragua. Hardly a nicer person (especially man) have I met. I offered him the sports section of my newspaper, which I was reading to get some practice. By the way, I don't know about all of you, but I've been getting daily graphic updates on the trouble in Tunisia and Egypt. Front page of the Andalucia El Mundo paper had a picture of a serious looking Egyptian holding up a white banner: "this is the coffin of Egypt".

I realise that my friends Ricardo and Vicente have something huge in common with my Canadian guy friends who seem so different on the surface: they all value vulnerability, rather than trying to crush it. They don't try to step on people weaker than they are.
One of the amigos Gaetane and I met in a bar the other night literally gave me nightmares. I have never met a man that rude in all my life. Except perhaps in high school, which doesn't count. Joachim was an economist in a company that makes "edificios prefabricados". We started off pretty early in the conversation discussing politics and he let us know how annoying he found what he called "communism" here in Spain: how 40% of his salary goes to pay for people who end up with no motivation to work because they get enough from the government, and how he doesn't think much of "culture" like opera that is subsidized to such an extent by the government that it only costs E30 for a ticket. Not much different from Canada, but he insisted on talking over my voice so I was not able to let him know my facts, opinions or anything else. (By the way, one thing that's better here, or more communist, depending on how you look at things, is that busses are very frequent, and one trip costs E0.70 with a discount card. Yes, that's 70 centimos, or about $1.00 - Not $2.75!)
Joachim also decided I could not understand Spanish and told me it was "not a bad thing that I didn't understand", and ended up talking strictly to Gaetane (who understands the same amount as me), even though I was in between them. It was really obvious this was a person who had great respect for my friend because of her position in her work: that she was "boss" of a group of people who work for one of the best known periodicals in Europe. This and the fact that she was from Paris, a city which he admired to no end, partly for a reason I fully understand: that they are the one place this side of China that has stood up to Anglo-Saxonization.
From comments that were extremely dismissive of me, and not letting me speak, I came away feeling as if this guy really, really disliked me for some kind of personal screwed up reasons of his own. I reminded him of an ex-wife, I was Anglo-Saxon, timid, "blonde" - I don't know. Most of all, though, he was a person who respected only people who have made it in the eyes of the mainstream world, and only those who can stand up to the weight of others; who can either push their way around or push back. I suppose the one positive thing I might have to say about him was that although he made mention (not really a compliment) at the beginning on my being pretty, blonde and blue eyed, saying that he thought it would be easy for such a person as me to talk to anyone in a bar) that he was not out looking for a woman who only had looks. However it seemed to me that this is what he thought of me - a stupid American with a blonde head and nothing inside it.

Well, Gaetane spent two days trying to convince me that I had misunderstood him, and that I had a problem that was in my own head, when I was forced to admit I did not want to meet him again next weekend. After much talking, we came to the conclusion that in large part, it was a cultural difference. I know I would never come across a man like this in Canada; I have not, in 20 years. Sure there are people who believe in pushing their weight around, at home, but they are a bit more subtle about it. I didn't take this guy's attitude super personally, because he knew absolutely nothing about me, except my felt presence, and demonstrated level of overall confidence. This is the only information he had, because I was unable to speak. It is a natural thing to respond to lack of confidence in another person by becoming dominating. It is just usually done more subtley - most people realise it's not a particularly pretty aspect of the animal nature of being human, and learn to temper it. For my part, I've realised that I let people who inadvertently and insensitively get into my space, be it personal or mental, affect me too much.

As a French woman, Gaetane has a completely different perspective. These kind of men are normal to her, and she was able to see him as a really nice guy, despite not really liking his views. She is familiar with this type of person, but at the same time, being confronted with a Canadian in tears caused her less problem than I think it would for many Canadian women. It seems I've so far had some pretty influential French women in my life: Emmanuelle, from whom I learned to wear a silk scarf, Ben, from whom I've learned about the subject I am presently discussing, and now Gaetane. Someone my male friends would undoubtedly love, as she is very French and has very cute, feminine mannerisms, along with pink nailpolish and lipstick and high heeled boots, but is not the least bit "girly" in a negative sense, is really intelligent and has an obvious depth, and balance about her personality.

According to Gaetane, men are just like this and it is the job of women to teach them subtlety, and to help them be more sensitive. Comments from male Canadians solicited! Gaetane has an understanding of life and I think some basic spiritual things that to me put her on the same page with my coolest and closest friends. However, I have a feeling that in my milieu her view on this would cause some double takes, at least.

On a different subject, I am speaking only Spanish. There are no English speakers in my life at the moment. So all of this has happened with admittedly terrible grammar, but indeed, in Spanish, of which I am quite proud.